Five Times Serena Expected to Hear From Bernie, & the One Time She Did
by pandorabox82
Summary: Serena keep finding herself awaiting word from Bernie, anything to let her know that she's still out there, caring for her just as much as Serena does. But will the one time that she does reach out be too late?
1. Chapter 1

The first time that Serena expected to hear from Bernie was the evening of their very public row. She had been so embarrassed to do that in front of the staff, as it was so unprofessional, but she had been desperate to make Bernie see that she was supposed to stay with her, in Holby, taking steps forward on this journey.

Instead, Bernie had torn herself away and rushed from the hospital, unable to even look at her. And that had been the thing that had cut Serena to the core. After she had put all her feelings out in the open, after she had given Bernie the means to eviscerate her, she still hadn't expected to have exactly that happen.

Raf had been there, like the knight in shining armor he was, and had kept the wolves at bay whilst she had tried not to have a complete breakdown in her office. And then, he had popped into her office, offering her a cup of coffee and an apple. "You need to eat, Serena. Don't forget to take care of yourself, even when you're hurting. We need you more than ever on AAU." Setting the peace offering on her desk, he reached out and rubbed her shoulder affectionately, and she, much to her consternation, had leaned into the touch, needing the comfort of that moment.

"She's going to Kiev. I asked her not to leave. I told her I didn't want her to leave, but she chose to run. Why was I so stupid?"

"Because love makes us do stupid things. I know you probably don't want to hear this bit of advice right now, but if I were you, I'd go after her, one last time. Try and talk to her."

Serena sighed as she picked up her cup, bringing it to her lips as she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply.

"And allow her to thresh my heart even more?"

"At least then you'd know where you stood with her. And if she'd be worth waiting for."

That sentence took her aback, as she hadn't given thought to that. Giving him a wide eyed look, Serena knew that she was close to crying once more. Raf's head tilted to one side as he turned his lips down.

"She's worth everything in this world," she whispered, unable to stop the words tumbling from her lips. "Oh, go on and leave this pitiful old woman to her misery. You don't need to wallow with me."

"You are hardly elderly, Serena. Especially around Bernie. Chin up, then, and go to her. Find the closure that you need before she heads off to Kiev for however long she's assigned there."

Serena nodded before taking a long drag on her coffee, watching him leave. There was some truth to his words, she did need to find some closure or else walk around with an open wound until the New Year. And that wouldn't do at all. Rubbing the apple against her blouse, Serena took a large bite, remembering the last time she had seen an apple. "Are memories of Bernie going to assail me at every turn?" she asked angrily to herself before she took another large bite of the fruit, devouring it quickly.

Her mind made up, Serena packed her bag up before stalking from her office and making her way out to her car. It was hard to ignore the people whispering about her, but she did her best, fixing a flat stare on her face as she strode out of the hospital. A tiny part of her hoped to still see Bernie's convertible parked close to hers, because she was nothing if not a hopeless romantic, but those hopes were quickly dashed. Shaking her head, she slipped behind the wheel of her car and pulled out of her spot, merging into traffic as she guided her car to Bernie's flat.

The long drive did little to settle her feelings, and she found that she had started crying once more by the time she turned into the drive. Bernie's car was parked beneath a cherry tree, and Serena fought the urge to park next to her, not wanting to be too obvious. And still, she sat behind the wheel of her car for five long minutes, trying to gather up the courage to approach Bernie's door and knock. The sun started setting rapidly, the warm colors of dusk spreading across the building, and that was what finally galvanized her into moving.

Getting out of her car, Serena drew the halves of her jacket closed around her chest, finding herself cold to the bone. She knew, instinctively, that it was a nervous reaction, but that didn't mean it felt any less real to her, and she shivered all the way up to the doorstep. She drew in a deep breath as she raised her hand to press the buzzer, hundreds of thoughts racing through her mind as she anticipated being able to come in, to talk to Bernie, to reason with her, and convince her that the last thing in the world she wanted was for her to run away to Kiev and be apart from her.

Serena listened to the noise of the buzzer as she pressed it, and her heart began skipping beats as she waited for Bernie to answer her. Still, her toe began to tap anxiously as she waited for the sound of the door unlocking, letting her in so that she could head up. When three minutes had passed, and there still was not the accompanying reaction, she sighed a little and shook her head.

"Maybe she fell asleep and didn't hear the buzzer," she whispered as she reached out and pressed the button once more. This time her heart began to hammer in her chest as she waited, and a part of her worried that she wouldn't be received.

Five minutes went by that time with no response, and it was then that Serena knew she was deliberately being ignored. That feeling hurt more than anything she had ever experienced, even when she had broken things off with her last partner.

"You stupid, stupid, woman," she muttered as she turned on her heel, not knowing at that point if she was addressing herself or Bernie. Maybe that didn't matter, maybe they were both stupid, and she stumbled back to her car as the too present tears began to slip down her cheeks, clouding her vision.

Before she got into the vehicle, she looked up at the window she knew to be Bernie's and caught a faint flutter of curtains. Staring for a beat longer than necessary, Serena was treated with the glimpse of one beautiful hand pressed to the glass, as if reaching out for her. It was too little, too late, however, and she shook her head slowly as her face crumbled into sorrow. Turning from the sight, she got behind the wheel and started the car, pulling out into the early dusk and driving away from the person that was currently holding the other half of her heart hostage.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been one week since Bernie had left for Kiev. Not that Serena was keeping track, or anything. No, it had been exactly seven days, three hours, and five, make that six, minutes since her plane had taken off from Heathrow and flew east, towards the sun, away from everything that was waiting for her here. What really shocked Serena was just how numb she was feeling at the moment. It seemed as if a wall of ice had encased her heart, and nothing anyone could say would ever break through that barrier.

"Did you have a good weekend, Serena?"

Raf's lilting voice caught her attention, and she turned from the doors of the elevator to look at him, giving him a fleeting smile.

"It was rather enjoyable to have two days off, since no one called me in. Was it really that quiet?"

He guiltily looked at the floor, and Serena fought not to shake her head in frustration. "Well, Ric and the others, we decided to give you a bit of a rest. I mean, you have Jason to think of, and what with Bernie being gone, you just needed a little extra time to yourself. We care about you, Serena." Raf reached out and rested his hand on her shoulder, the warmth of his palm bleeding through the layers of her clothes and almost reaching through to her heart. "I know, it's going to be hard with her gone…"

"Oh, do stop that. We are our own people, I don't need her by my side to move through life and AAU. Right?" She tried to sound defiant as she stepped into the elevator, stabbing at the button for their floor. Raf shook his head a little as he joined her, keeping an appropriate amount of space between them. "What?"

"It's okay to say that you need someone in your life, Serena. And I really thought that she was going to be the one for you, because your friendship was so much like me and Fletch. And I realise that your relationship with her is very different from ours, but I wanted you happy."

Those damnable tears were starting to well up in her eyes once more, and she blinked a little before closing her eyes and taking deep breaths, trying to calm her scattered emotions. She felt Raf's hand hover over her shoulder, and she shook her head quickly, hating the fact that that motion released some of the tears to spill down her cheeks. "Don't. I can't have kindness now. I need to hold it together for my shift."

"All right, then, Ms. Campbell." She looked up at him and gave a tight lipped smile. "I'll try to save some interesting cases for you, after you catch up on your paperwork."

"Thank you," she whispered as the elevator doors slid open. They stepped out onto AAU, and she briskly made her way over to her office, ignoring the way that some staff was still whispering about her behind her back. In her heart of hearts, she knew that their opinions didn't matter, but it still hurt. Finally, she was firmly ensconced in her office, able to shut herself off from the outside world of Holby.

Sinking down into her chair, she booted up her computer and pulled out her planner, getting ready for her day. Serena picked up the first file on her stack and reviewed the details before she went to update the paperwork on her computer, and caught herself thinking about what Bernie would have said about that patient, had she been assigned to his case. She probably would not have been as lenient as Serena, and that thought put a smile on her lips as she turned to the computer and called up the patient's file, quickly entering her final remarks.

That seemed to spark some modicum of industry in her, and Serena was able to catch up on the slight backlog she had left on Friday. Still, Raf hadn't disturbed her with anything, and that made her wonder a little. Standing, Serena made her way to the window, opening the blinds to gaze into the ward. It seemed like everything was running smoothly, and so she allowed herself to go back to her computer and call up her email. She checked her work account first, finding a letter from Hanssen there. After reading and replying, she scanned the rest of the new emails, trying not to feel disappointed when she saw nothing from Bernie there.

It didn't take long for her to switch accounts, and since she had caught up on those emails at home the previous day, there weren't too many there. Serena's heart sank as she realized that what she was hoping to see wasn't there. There was nothing from Bernie. Her chin hit her chest as she buried her hands in her hair and pursed her lips together in an effort to keep from crying.

The door to her office squeaked as it opened, and she hurriedly swiped beneath her eyes to clear out the lingering tears that had slipped from her eyes as she turned to see who was interrupting her. Ric gave her a gentle smile as he closed the door behind him and took a seat at Bernie's desk, steepling his fingers together as he regarded her closely. She was disconcerted by the close scrutiny, and the false smile she had plastered on her lips began to wobble and slip the longer he looked at her.

"What?" she finally whispered, lowering her head to stare at her planner.

"It's been a week since Ms. Wolfe began her secondment…"

"Not true, it's been a week since she flew out to Kiev. The secondment began five days ago."

Without even looking up from the desk, she knew that Ric had ticked an eyebrow up, as if she had proved some point of his that he hadn't even asked about. "Well, still, it's been a bit of time. Have you heard from her at all?"

In that moment, she regretted ever telling Ric about her silly crush on Bernie. "No."

"I'm sorry." Her head shot up and she saw the true concern on his face as he smiled at her. "I know how deep your feelings were running, and suddenly not having someone that you've grown to see as your second half can feel like you've had the wind knocked from your lungs."

"It feels like I can't find my footing, actually. I hadn't realized that I had come to rely on her so much, until that first shift without her on AAU. How did I lose myself so quickly, Ric?"

"Because you fell in love. It happens to people, Serena, and it can be the best and worst times of our lives. If you'll like some advice?" She nodded. "Don't give up on her too easily. She's worth the feelings you have for her, even if we don't always see eye to eye. And rather than waiting to hear from her, why don't you reach out?"

"How did you?" He smiled a little wider. "Dammit, I have to stop giving myself away. And I don't want to seem desperate. That's what made her run in the first place. I'll just give her a little more space and see what happens in the next few days."

"Alright, Serena, if you feel that's best. And if you need an open ear, you know where to find me." She nodded before looking up at him, flashing him a tender smile before looking at his hands. "You are not alone here, now. Ever." She nodded, a small thrum of pleasure spreading through her body at the thought that she had more than one person who would have her back if she needed it.


	3. Chapter 3

Serena was woken from a dead sleep to the insistent ringing of her mobile. Groggily, she blinked her eyes and glanced at the clock, noting that it was three in the morning. That could only mean one thing, and she sat up with a start, adrenaline and panic coursing through her veins as she fumbled for the device, finally able to bring it to her ear. "He-hello?" she answered, feeling the bottom drop out of her stomach as she awaited an answer.

"Ms. Campbell?" It was an unfamiliar voice, and she clutched at the duvet as her breath caught in her throat. In that moment, all she wanted was Bernie's hand to hold on to, but it had been four long weeks, with no contact from her, and it was beginning to wear on her. "I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your daughter, Elinor, has been taken to Holby City General Hospital, and she wanted me to inform you."

It seemed like her brain wasn't fully firing, and she blinked again, trying to make words form in her throat, to ask questions, but it seemed like nothing would come. Finally, though, she forced the words from her lips. "Is she going to be okay?"

"It would be better if you came down to hospital and see for yourself."

Those were the words that no parent ever wanted to hear, and they were words she hated delivering to any family member. It sent her into a panic, and she shoved the duvet off her as she got up and rushed over to the dresser, pulling out clean underwear and hurriedly stripping. "I'll be there in twenty minutes. Do whatever you have to do to fix her," she said before hanging up, slamming the phone on the dresser so that she could dress as quickly as possible.

Putting on the first thing her fingers touched in her closet was a mistake, as the heady scent of Bernie's cologne rose up from the folds of the fabric, enveloping her senses and bringing her back to another memory.

"Don't do this, Campbell. You need to get to your daughter," she muttered, though she did let her fingers caress the fabric, letting it comfort her.

"Auntie Serena? Who was calling at such a ridiculous time?"

Whirling around, she saw Jason standing in the doorway of her bedroom, looking confused and upset. Nodding, she put herself into work mode as she stepped into a sensible pair of shoes and made her way over to him. "There's been an accident, and I need to get to hospital and see Elinor. I'm sorry that the phone woke you."

Jason regarded her carefully, before reaching out and touching her shoulder, the spontaneous gesture of affection nearly her undoing. "It will be okay, Auntie Serena. And as soon as you're there, you can make her better. I'm going to go back to sleep now."

She nodded absently, wishing that Bernie was here. She would know the perfect thing to say in a situation like this, and be able to calm her trembling heart. "I'll let you know as soon as I have news," she said to his retreating back. He nodded vaguely and she drew in a shaky breath as she made her way downstairs and into the kitchen. As she went to grab her keys, she realized her mobile was still on the dresser. Turning on her heel, she sprinted up the stairs and then back down, out of breath, but trying not to focus on how she felt. The only thing that mattered in that moment was her daughter, and getting to her side.

Once she was behind the wheel, Serena seemed to move on autopilot, trying to keep focus on the road whilst simultaneously keeping one eye on her phone, hope and dread competing in her heart for dominance. It was a long drive, but then she was pulling into her spot and turning off her car, racing inside.

Fletch was there to meet her at the door, and he wrapped a familiar arm around her waist, guiding her inside as she kept her nose buried in her phone. "Who are you hoping to hear from?" he asked kindly as he ushered her into the elevator.

"Is it that obvious? I was hoping that she would be able to read my mind and text or call or something." Her voice was a husky whisper, and she swallowed a sob as Fletch let his thumb stroke against the dip of her waist. "I just want to hear one word from her."

"Why don't you reach out to her? Just shoot her a message, telling her that you need to hear from her. Tell her that you're worried out of your mind about Elinor, and that you need a friendly voice to tell you everything is going to be all right."

"I'm sure…"

"Do it, while we're in the lift. Then you can shove that into your pocket and completely forget about things until you're certain that your daughter is okay."

She gave a sharp nod as she pulled out her phone, scrolling through her contacts until she came to Bernie's name. Hesitantly, she touched it, calling up their message thread and then just staring at the screen. Fletch nudged her a little and she glanced up, seeing the tiny, encouraging, smile on his lips. _Ellie was in a bad accident today, and I'm on my way to see her. Just tell me that everything will be all right, and I might believe it coming from you. I, I miss you._

Serena hit send before she could chicken out, and then thrust the phone back into her pocket as they rode up. Her toe tapped unconsciously to an internal melody, and she tried to take deep breath as the elevator seemed to deliberately slow down and drag on. The doors finally opened, and she went to rush out, to find her Elinor, but Fletch kept his arm around her, leading her in the right direction.

"I have every faith that Ric will get her through surgery and everything will be fine. I was told to take you directly to the surgical waiting room, however, since he had a feeling that you would want to hover and fuss. You can't do that in this case, you have to surrender."

Her spine stiffened slightly at the way she was being ordered around, even though she knew it was for her own good, and she glared up at him as they walked. "I am perfectly capable of keeping my nose clean, thank you very much."

"I know, I know. But since there's nothing you can do, you might as well talk to me."

Another sigh slipped from her lips as they turned into the lounge. Serena sat heavily in the chair that was farthest from the door, not wanting to be disturbed by the comings and goings. Fletch sat near her, watching her intently, and she frowned at him. "Did you happen to hear anything?"

"No, just that she had to go straight into surgery, and that Ric would find us when he was done. He also told me to try to convey to you that you are not to worry. Elinor is in the best of hands."

"That's not true though, is it? Bernie's not here. Bernie would, would…" She broke down sobbing, burying her face in her hands to hide from Fletch. Her ringtone broke through the sounds of her cries, and she hurriedly pulled it from her pocket, praying it was Bernie. "And I don't even get to hear from her, it's just a spam text," she spat out, throwing the phone across the room, praying that her daughter would be all right.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been three long weeks since Elinor's accident, and she was well on her way to recovery, though chaffing at being under Serena's care every moment she was home. Today was one of those days, and Serena scurried from the spare bedroom to head downstairs and into the living room. Jason was out with a group of friends, watching some movie that had sounded thoroughly boring to her. Which meant that she was free to watch whatever she wanted to on the telly.

Serena curled up on a corner of the sofa, making herself comfortable as she tugged the blanket down off the back, wrapping it around herself. "All right, what is on this early on a Saturday morning?" she murmured lowly as she picked up the remote and turned the set on. She had left it on the news channel the previous evening, and yet was ill prepared to see the emergency news bulletin that was splashed across the screen.

The first thing she focused on was the crawler, her eyes darting about as she drank in the information. There had been a terrorist bombing, that much was clear, but she wasn't entirely certain where at first. A sharp gasp was torn from her lips when she saw the word Kiev appear, and dread filled the pit of her stomach.

It was a curious feeling, the way blood turned to ice so quickly when confronted with unexpected news that she wasn't prepared to deal with. As Serena's fingers turned boneless and numb, the remote clattered to the floor, the noise unexpectedly loud to her ears. She couldn't even cry as she tried to comprehend just what had happened in the city where the other half of her heart resided, and she shoved the blanket from her lap as she stood on trembling legs and made her way over to her phone.

As she had expected, it was ringing, and she answered without thinking, hoping that Bernie would be on the other end of the line. "Please, tell me you are all right, Berenice. Please."

"Serena."

Ric's voice was the last thing she wanted to hear, but for some reason it was also a comfort. "Ric, I take it you've seen the news as well. I, I need to get out there, to see if she's alright. She'll need support, too, good surgeons who can take care of the shrapnel victims, restore them to health. Surely you can get Hanssen to release us for a few weeks?"

"Serena, you know that is not possible. We're needed here. I was just calling to see if you were going to need anything."

Her lip trembled, tears finally fighting their way to the forefront. "I need to hear her voice, Ric. I've become a sotted old fool who cannot separate herself from her job. I did a stupid thing and fell in love with a colleague, and that is biting me in the arse."

"Do you want me to swing by with a bottle of Shiraz? I know, day drinking doesn't help anything, but it might dull a little of the pain."

"Thank you for the offer, Ric, but no. I have Elinor here, and I really shouldn't get drunk, just in case she needs something. Oh, but…"

"I will send up good thoughts, yes. Don't you worry. Doctor Wolfe has been in worse combat situations and lived, so I rather doubt a little thing like this will take her out."

It was good to hear the reassurance, even if it was an unknown platitude at that point. "I'll try to keep that in mind. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes."

She hung up before saying goodbye, needing to be back in the living room and watching the television for any sighting of a certain blonde surgeon. It was a longshot, she knew in her heart of hearts, but that didn't stop her from hoping. It was a shock to see Elinor sitting there, engrossed in what was happening, and her mother's heart broke a little to see the confusion and hurt there. "Why do people do stupid things?"

"I wish I knew, poppet," she replied as she sank down next to her daughter, welcoming her warm body against hers. Serena began to run her fingers through Elinor's hair as she started to cry, unable to tear her eyes away from the carnage she was seeing.

"That's where Doctor Bernie is, right? Jason told me that she had fucked off to Kiev." Serena swallowed a watery laugh. "He also said that you had told him that after he had prodded you about where she was. You were happier there, for a while, with her."

"I was. And I miss her terribly."

"You could try and call her. Maybe you'd get through."

"Ah, the optimism of youth," she replied as she touched the mobile in her pocket. Elinor nodded and then turned as best she could with her bum leg so that she could look at her mother. "Do you really think I should call?"

"Yes. Please?"

"Fine, poppet." Serena sighed as she pulled out her phone. Since the last time she'd reached out to Bernie, she'd added her to her favorites list, making it easy to find her. There was still a hint of trepidation as her finger hovered above her number, not knowing if she should call. Elinor took that option away from her in the next moment, pressing her finger down gently. "I would have called!"

"Next year, maybe. I just sped you along a little." The cheeky grin her daughter flashed her made her shake her head a little as she lifted the mobile to her ear, nervousness making her stomach churn wildly.

She was not prepared for the busy tone at the other end of the line. And then a cold, clinical voice was coming over, and Serena fought to focus in on it. "We regret to inform you that all circuits are busy at this time. Please try again later. Message seventy one. We regret to inform you that…"

Her fingers lost their grip on the phone and it bounced off the carpet as she turned her gaze to the television once more. "Mum? What is it?"

"There must be too many people calling at the moment, poppet. All the circuits are busy, and, and…"

"The only way we can get information is from the telly."

"Yes. I hope you don't mind watching the news."

"That's fine, Mum. But as soon as it looks like things are calming down a little, you have to promise me to call her back. Okay?"

Serena nodded as she fished for her mobile, ending the call and going to her text messages. _I'm watching the news now, Bernie. Stay safe in Kiev, please, if you even care for me a little yet, keep your head down and be safe. I love you._ She pressed send before she could chicken out, and then placed the phone on the coffee table, moving her daughter into a more comfortable position as they watched the news together.


	5. Chapter 5

The day had finally arrived. Bernie's secondment was at an end, and Serena was anxiously awaiting some word from her. The last she had heard was a short, two word text shortly after the terror attack. _I'm fine_ had done little to allay her fears, and she had almost sent a text back, entreating Bernie for more news, but had held back for some reason.

Still, a small part of her was not ready to face Bernie, not ready to think about all the feelings that would come with seeing Bernie once more. Serena wasn't certain of where her heart was, not when she hadn't gotten any tiny clue that Bernie might reciprocate the depth of her emotions. "Why the long face, Serena? After all, this is a happy day."

She looked up to see Ric in the doorway of her office. Giving him a sad smile, she gestured towards the free chair next to her desk. He took the hint and sat down, weaving his fingers together as he regarded her. "It is a happy day, yes. Bernie should be home in a few hours, and she'll be back on the ward in two days. It's been all anyone can talk about."

"And how do you feel?"

Trust him to cut right to the heart of the matter, and she let her eyes dart away from his gaze before she started weeping once more. Still, a few tears escaped her eyes, and she blinked them away rapidly. "I feel sick. I feel like I'm adrift at sea, and there's no one to save me. I, I want to see her face again so badly, you know?"

"But at the same time you wanted to hear from her before this happened." She nodded. "We can't always have what we want, Serena."

"I know that, Ric. I just, I stupidly fell in love with someone who had the power to destroy my careful little world, and that is exactly what happened. Everything has turned upside down, and I'm not entirely certain that I can find my way back from the abyss. How do you go about rebuilding something you never even knew was built in the first place?"

He reached out and grabbed hold of her hand, letting his thumb rub against her knuckles as their eyes met once more. "You take stock of what you want from life. And if I may be so bold, you want to build a home with her."

She drew in a deep breath as he revealed her secret heart to her so plainly. "How did you know?"

"Because I've worked close enough to you over the years to be able to read you. Though I do believe that Bernie can read you even better than I can, which just speaks to how right it is that you two were building towards something. What time does her flight take off?"

Serena glanced at the clock on the wall before answering automatically. "In three hours, fifteen minutes."

"And that right there tells me everything I need to know." He gave her a soft smile, and she rolled her eyes a little as she raised her free hand to swipe away at the few stray tears that lingered on her lashes. "Keep your chin up, Serena. She'll be home, and then you'll hear from her all you want." The reassuring squeeze on her hand filled her heart with hope, and she let her lips curve upwards as she nodded.

"I suppose you're right."

"You know I'm right. Now, how about we nip out to Albie's and grab a bite to eat? That might take your mind off things for a while."

Serena sighed as she looked at her stack of charts that she needed to go over before looking back at Ric. "Actually, nothing sounds better in the world than that right now. All this can wait for a better frame of mind." Pasting on a patently false smile, she stood and grabbed her purse from the desk drawer and then slipped into her coat. "Well, are you coming?"

He nodded and stood, taking hold of her arm and leading her out of the room. Raf and Fletch gave her knowing smiles, and she wondered when she had become so obvious to everyone. "Love makes itself obvious."

"Love makes fools of us all." He chuckled as they went over to the elevators. As they were waiting, her phone rang, and she pulled it out of her purse, looking at the display. The unfamiliar number caused her to frown and she ended the call.

"Since your mobile is already out, why don't you try ringing her? It couldn't hurt, after all."

She shook her head a little as she turned the phone around and around in her hands, the movements somehow soothing to her. "I'll try texting her. It's easier to write when you're in an airport, after all, you don't need to worry about broadcasting your personal business to all and sundry."

Ric nodded as they stepped into the elevator, pressing the ground floor button. As the doors slid closed, she scrolled through her contacts, trying to find the courage to reach out to Bernie. Ric's hand came to rest on the small of her back, the friendly gesture giving her the courage to press her name and open their text thread.

 _I know that you're probably busy in the airport, trying to get everything situated. I just wanted to reach out and tell you that I'm praying you have a safe flight home to us. AAU misses you. I miss you. Let me know you're okay._

She pressed send as the doors opened once more, and together she and Ric walked over to the bar. The warmth of the room set her at ease, and they found a secluded corner. As she made herself comfortable, her phone buzzed, and she quickly glanced down to see who it was. It was from Elinor, and she smiled to see her daughter's happy words staring up at her. Still, though, she wished it had been a text from Bernie, and a slight frown graced her features as Ric returned with drinks.

"I take it that wasn't her, then," he said as he set the Shiraz down in front of her.

"You would be right," she said with a deprecating laugh as she lifted the glass and took a sip of wine. "I really wish you had gotten me a large glass."

"This is only lunch, Serena." He gave her a knowing look, to which she gave a small shrug as she took another sip. "And if you see her tonight, you'll want to be sober for that. Trust me."

"Yes, Ric." Really, he did have a point, she would begrudgingly give him that. "So, do you think she'll show up on my doorstep with flowers and chocolates and fine words?"

"I highly doubt that. If I know Ms. Wolfe, she'll appear with a sheepish look, her hands in her pockets as she stares at the ground and tried to stammer out all the words that she didn't say to you over the course of these last nine weeks. At least she's coming home early."

"There is that. I might have gone mad if she hadn't returned until the New Year." She drew in a long breath as she stared out the window. "Everything has changed, and yet nothing has changed."

"Don't come in tomorrow." She whipped her head around to look at him, her eyes widening in shock as she tried to decipher the meaning behind his words. "I have this deep feeling that you are going to be no good to us on the ward tomorrow. Oh, you'll keep your stiff upper lip, just as you have since she's gone away, but the back of your mind is going to keep a running countdown of when you can escape and then come back to face her. If you have that little bit of space, the chance to build up your reserves, I think that it will be better for you in the long run."

Serena went to interrupt him, and Ric shook his head, giving her a very familiar look, since it was one she had used on Elinor quite frequently. "Yes, father," she grumbled, giving him a small smile to let him know that she wasn't put out by the suggestion. "At least I'll be able to drink my Shiraz in peace…"


	6. Chapter 6

By the time Serena was off shift, it had begun to snow lightly, the flakes looking gorgeously fresh as they fell to earth and melted. A light sigh slipped from her lips as she smiled widely, feeling a deep peace settle over her senses. She had an inkling that Ric was completely right, that it would do her a world of good to have the next day off, where she could think about the day after, and prepare her heart for the reality of facing Bernie.

Still, she couldn't stop the silly smile that crossed her lips as she thought about the woman that so vexed her life. Serena wondered if she would have lost weight, gained a few scars, or if she would look like the golden lioness that she was. It was a futile exercise, she knew, but her brain still went there. Humming a little, she waltzed over to her car and got in, daydreaming all the way back home.

The lights were all off at home, which surprised her. She hadn't thought that Jason was going out, but it was too early in the evening for him to be asleep. Frowning a little, she pulled out her phone as she turned her car off, scrolling through her notifications to check for a text from him, finding one that told her of his plans of going out with a good friend. So intent was she on finding Jason's name there, Serena skipped past some others, only to go back when her brain finally registered the name. "Bernie," she whispered as she climbed out and tripped her way into the house.

 _I'll be home in twenty minutes. Unless, that is, I can see you first._

With shaking fingers, she tapped out a reply, unable to say anything but yes. Somehow, she made it to the living room, and as she kicked off her flats, she relaxed on the sofa, wondering what madness she had fallen under in order to so quickly agree to seeing Bernie. They hadn't really talked in months, there had been so many times that she had needed her and the woman simply wasn't there, leaving her to soldier on alone. But oh, the very real possibility of seeing the face of her love once more was somehow enough for her.

Time slowed to a crawl as she kept her focus on her phone screen, wondering if Bernie would answer back. Maybe she had been too late, maybe Bernie thought she didn't want her any longer, maybe she thought that love had grown cold. Rabbit trails of thoughts led her far afield and still there was no word from her love. Getting up, Serena began to pace the room, needing to feel like she was actually doing something with her time, other than wait.

Serena's answer finally came in the form of heavy knocking on her front door. Anxious joy welled up in her chest as she tossed her mobile onto the sofa and jogged out to the door. Coming to a halt in front of the heavy wood, Serena drew in gasping breaths, trying to calm her heart and mind. "Who, who is it?"

"Special delivery for Serena Campbell."

God, her voice still sent shivers down Serena's spine, and she whimpered a little as she unlocked and then opened the door to her Bernie. Ric had been right about one thing, she was looking down at the ground, a sheepish expression on her face. "Isn't it a bit late to be out delivering?"

"When it's something as important as this, well, time doesn't really matter." It was then that Serena looked at Bernie's hands and saw them. A thick stack of letters was in them, and the top one had her name scrawled upon it, the hasty lettering so typically Bernie. "There's one for every day I was gone. Some days, I ended up writing more than one. I just could never muster up the courage to send them to you. I had thought that you were so terribly angry with me, and rightfully so. I shamefully mistreated you."

"I love you." Bernie looked up at her then, her eyebrows drawing together in confusion. "Get in here, my dear Major."

"Yes, Fraulein," she murmured, letting Serena take hold of her upper arm and tug her in. Serena had the presence of mind to lock the door behind them before dragging Bernie into the living room, turning on the tableside lamp as she sat down and began to thumb through the envelopes Bernie wordlessly handed her. Some were thicker than others, some obviously only containing a single sheaf of paper. But somehow she knew that each one would be dear to her.

"You remembered me."

"How could I forget? I was trying to give you space, to let you figure out who you are, but I couldn't just not stay in contact with you. I, I learned a lot about myself out there. I'm not going to run, not any longer." The words were soft, as if they pained Bernie to even speak them, and Serena felt all the bitterness that had been festering atop the well of pain she had been keeping covered being drained away. Reaching out, Serena stroked Bernie's cheek, surprised to find her fingers wet.

"Well, you're going to have to do some explaining to your family." Bernie stared at her, her eyes impossibly large and luminous in the low light of the room, and Serena's sighed as she leaned in, letting the envelopes fall to the floor as she pushed Bernie back onto the seat of the sofa, curling her hands into the folds of the army jacket Bernie was wearing as she captured her lips in a searing kiss. "You can't look at me like that, Bernie, and not expect me to want to smother you with love and kisses," she said breathlessly as she rested her head on her beloved's chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm still a little shell-shocked from the attack. But you should be angry with me, not wanting to love on me."

"I should. But I'm not." That was the truth, even though Serena knew they would have to have a long talk come the morning. "You're here now, you've let me hear from you, and I can feel you beneath my hands. Come up to my room."

There was no hesitation in her voice as she spoke, and Bernie gave her a small nod. Rolling off her partner (and really, it was ever so easy to think of her that way), Serena clasped her hand and led her upstairs, knowing that this was the culmination of so many months in her life. They had to get this right, this time, and she took a deep, calming, breath as she stepped into her bedroom, bringing Bernie over to the bed.

"I'm not certain that this is the right next move…" Bernie began before Serena stopped her words with another kiss. "Serena, you can't expect me to back off just because our lips touch."

"Hush, Bernie. We're not going to do anything other than talk and maybe sleep. I just can't have you apart from me, not when you're so close." Letting go of Bernie's arm, Serena began to undress her, pushing the jacket to the floor before undoing the fastenings on the black chef's shirt. It really was one of her favorites, and she lovingly caressed the fabric before also letting it fall to the floor. "Almost there," she whispered before crouching down and staring intently at the buttons on Bernie's jeans.

"Serena," she said lowly as she tipped her hips towards Serena.

"Yes," she said, letting her fingers nimbly open the fly and then push them down Bernie's long, beautiful, legs. The raised scars added a road map to the story of her Bernie, and Serena was unable to stop herself, leaning in and pressing soft kisses to the ones she could easily reach. "Do you want me to be a part of your story?"

"Yes. If you don't think that my story will muck yours up."

From her position on the floor, Serena tugged off the jeans before sliding her hands up Bernie's body, caressing and feeling and memorizing her beloved's body until she was standing once more, her hands resting on Bernie's shoulders as she gazed up into those eyes of hers, that captivated Serena so. "Our story, now, will be made up of broken bits and pieces. But those can be used to make a mosaic of tremendous beauty, because they are ours. Nothing could muck up that story, okay?"

Bernie nodded hesitantly as she lowered her head for a soft kiss. Serena smiled against her Bernie's lips as she felt the woman quickly divest her of shirt, blouse, and trousers. "Well, isn't that a surprise? I never took you for one to wear lace knickers!"

Serena blushed as she stepped away, fighting to stand proud in front of her future lover. She knew that she had nothing to be ashamed of, but there was something different about being so vulnerable and open in front of another woman. "They are an absolute pain to wear beneath scrubs, let me tell you. However, I somehow managed to neglect my laundry this week, and was forced to rely on this wisp of fabric you see here. It's really like wearing nothing, Bernie. I think, if you were to touch me…"

Her voice trailed off as Bernie closed the distance between them, her hands cupping Serena's arse and tugging her close as she captured her lips in a hungry, bruising, kiss. Serena moaned a little as she snaked her arms around Bernie's waist, allowing the woman to pull them back onto the mattress. She landed with a soft thump as the kiss continued, and she squirmed as Bernie unhooked her bra, drawing it off her arms and throwing it to the floor. "We are supposed to talk. This is not talking."

"Well, it certainly seems as if our bodies are talking," Serena said with a cheeky grin as she cupped Bernie's cheek and let her thumb run along the bone as she stared into Bernie's eyes. Bernie let out a scoffing laugh as she fitted one leg between Serena's, pulling them ever closer. "It seems as if instinct knows better than rational thought what we want."

Bernie nodded sharply as her smile softened into something that she hadn't seen in so long. Serena exhaled lowly as she let her eyes flutter closed, feeling completely safe in Bernie's arms. "I do believe that my brain, in particular, is quite good at imagining scenarios that are entirely ridiculous, and then act on them. Which is why I left you in the lurch. I'm sorry. And I know I keep telling you that, and that my actions don't change, so those words aren't really true, but I really am so very sorry."

Serena fumbled for Bernie's hands, needing to hold onto them in that moment. "I know that you are, darling," she murmured as she threaded their fingers together. "And you're here now, trying to make things right, which speaks volumes. Tomorrow, in the cold light of day, you're going to have to face your children, and Jason, and Elinor, but I will be by your side because I love you."

"And I love you."

Those words seemed to hang between them and Serena smiled fully before leaning in and kissing Bernie again. "Thank you for sharing those words with me." She pressed another kiss to Bernie's lips. "And before I turn to complete mush, let's start our talk."

Bernie nodded as she changed her gaze to stare at Serena's chin, as if she wasn't brave enough to hold eye contact. "All right, lay it all out on me."

"Oh, my beautiful Berenice." Serena buried the fingers of her right hand in Bernie's tousled curls, needing the silky texture on her skin. "You are brave enough to face the trauma of the battlefield, but can't handle strong emotions. And yet, you were able to handle me at my worst. Am I angry that you didn't text me more often? Yes. Do I wish that you had called or Skyped or emailed a little? Yes. But you wrote me letters, real letters that I'll get to cherish for years to come." She took a deep breath, knowing that she would have to barrel ahead, to get the words out of her heart before she buried them once more. "I cried in my car, every morning, before work. I knew, that once I was on the ward, I couldn't allow my feelings to overwhelm me and affect my work."

"That must have been difficult for you, darling. I can only imagine."

Serena nodded. "And I didn't realise that I had come to rely on you so much. My world had shrunk to Jason and you and sometimes Elinor. And with you gone, I couldn't breathe some days. It was an odd feeling, let me tell you. I fully recognize that that might cause you to run from me, because it seems overwhelming, I know. But you are my life."

It was her turn to look away, to focus on a safe part of Bernie's anatomy, namely her forehead, so that she wouldn't see the first stirrings of panic, and she hunched her shoulders a little in anticipation of being left once more. And then, Bernie splayed her hand out on her back, the pads of her fingers digging in gently into the soft skin there. It was a good burn, as it reminded Serena that they were still on solid ground, still together, still here.

"If I'm really honest with myself, Serena Campbell, you are my life, too. I discovered that on the banks of the Dnieper. And I know that we are going to have a hard road in front of us, because I have hurt you so deeply, and I need to fix that. I know that you were waiting to hear from me, and that this one time doesn't make up for all the others. I'm not good at being honest like this, it makes my skin crawl with anxiety. But you deserve that from me, after everything."

Serena lowered her eyes to see that Bernie was watching her face intently, and a contented smile spread across their lips before she leaned in and kissed her. "It takes so much courage to be open and honest, Bernie. I'm glad that you trust me enough. And I'm glad that you came home to me, that you felt safe enough to confide in me." She gave her Bernie another kiss before snuggling in close and resting her head on her chest, listening to Bernie's heart beat. The steady rhythm lulled her into a deep state of relaxation, though she found she didn't want to sleep just yet.

"There's no use fighting it, Serena. I can feel the way your breaths are slowing down, and it's going to happen sooner rather than later. Sleep, I'll be here in the morning. And then we can sort out how to move forward from here." She gave a lazy nod as she closed her eyes and let the first tendrils of sleep curl around her mind, trusting that Bernie would be there come the morning.


End file.
